Is it just me, or has the world become less considerate in the last decade? Sometimes I feel like we’ve forgotten how to behave in public, how to be kind to strangers, how to put others before our own interests. I’m not entirely sure what has caused this decline in courtesy – but perhaps it is a combination of our ability to anonymously hide behind our screens while we bluntly and rudely debate things online, the societal division created during the Trump presidency, and the Covid-19 pandemic. I know that I have not been immune to this consideration-atrophy. Sometimes I speak more bluntly and directly than is necessary. Sometimes I’m so exhausted from constantly correcting my children that I don’t tell them to “sshhh” in the library.
During the pandemic, consideration seemed to leave us. We didn’t respect each others choices, we didn’t care about how our actions might affect others, we didn’t listen to one another. We judged each other for socializing, for masking, for not masking, for vaccinating, for not vaccinating. There was so much anger and division and vitriol even within loving families. I believe we are still recovering from the psychological effects that the pandemic bore into us. We remain very lonely and isolated. We lack trust. And as a consequence of that, we don’t feel like others care about us. So we don’t care about them. It’s a vicious cycle. And yay, it’s an election year – so it’ll be awesome to rub more salt into those wounds. I just hope we can make it through still seeing each other’s humanity.
We are afraid of connecting with others, of speaking with them. We are afraid to ask others, even kids, for what we need and instead post vents and rants online. We put up unwelcoming and unfriendly signage: “Masks mandatory!”, “Children MUST be supervised by adults at ALL times.” Instead of connecting, we just shout into the void and then get upset when people don’t listen or care. They have their own things they are shouting into the void about. I mean, here I am, shouting into the void about it too! It’s like we have grown callouses over our hearts.
I’m not sure what the answer is to recovering. Certainly, putting myself out there again and reconnecting with people in person has helped, even when I’ve felt like spending time with them might be risky to my physical health or my sense of peace. I’ve been fearful of trusting others again, but when I’ve vulnerably brought my whole self in connection with others, I’ve been able to see the heart in people again, and wounds seem to be healing.
Another thing that I think is key to recovering is to strengthen my “consideration muscles”. It’s like they have atrophied from lack of practice. My kids certainly need more practice 1) because they are kids and have only been on this planet for a few years. 2) because they are like everyone else and need practice.
What is consideration?
Consideration is caring about other people and their feelings. It is treating others the way you’d like to be treated and understanding how your actions affect them. When you are considerate, you think other peoples interests, likes and dislikes are as important as your own. You do things to make other people happy. When you are considerate, you don’t try to change someone’s mind – even if you disagree with them. You respect their ideas and their feelings. You listen to them and try to learn from them. You can be considerate in public places, which means you clean up after yourself and you are thoughtful of other people using the space. In a library or museum, this might mean speaking with a quiet indoor voice and not running. In a gymnasium, this might mean wearing clean shoes and dressing appropriately. At a restaurant, this might mean sitting down at your table while you eat and using good manners while you eat your food.
Kids Books About Consideration
These are the books I read with my kids during our week about consideration. They feature considerate and inconsiderate characters. They show that consideration for others is more than just a memorized automatic habit, but something that can be flexed and changed depending on the context. It looks different in different situations. Being considerate means we have to use our brains as well as our hearts. This virtue crops up in real-life practice for my family at least a hundred times a day. So if practice makes perfect, we are well on our way…
In the Small Kingdom by Tomie de Paola
Tomie dePaola is one of my favourite children’s book authors. This is a story of a kingdom that comes together to repair a magical robe for their king because he is considerate of them and their needs.
A Bedtime for Bear by Bonnie Becker
I love Bonny Becker’s books about Bear and Mouse! They are hilarious and absolutely wonderful to read out loud. The characters are so dramatic and silly. In this story, Mouse and Bear are considerate of each others needs during a sleepover.
The Doorbell Rang by Pat Hutchins
The Doorbell Rang by Pat Hutchins combines self-control and consideration for others with math! In this story, children are sitting down to eat a plate of cookies, which they must divide further and further as more children show up and are invited in for a snack.
The Salamander Room by Anne Mazer
In the Salamander Room, a little boy must consider all the needs of a wild salamander and whether his bedroom is an appropriate habitat for it. A great read to introduce consideration for nature and also learn about habitats. I really like how the mom doesn’t say “no” but instead asks more and more questions asking the boy to figure out the logistics of keeping the salamander.
Franklin is Bossy by Paulette Bourgeois
Another Franklin book! We love Franklin in our house. Though every time we read “Franklin could count by twos and tie his shoes” (which is the “Once Upon a Time” of the Franklin series) my daughter inevitably says, “but he doesn’t wear shoes!”. Yes, a good observation! Anyways, in this story, Franklin learns the consequences of being inconsiderate of his friends’ likes and dislikes and what happens when you insist on your way.
Considering the virtue of consideration this week with my kids through story has certainly challenged me. Has it challenged you?
This Virtues Project and the definitions of each virtue are inspired by Linda Kavelin Popov’s Family Virtues Guide. I have really enjoyed working my way through this book and I hope you enjoy the blog posts about it!
Come back next week for some children’s book recommendations on courage!
-Heather
Ps: This post contains Amazon affiliate links. They are one small way I can keep adding to my children’s library. If you’ve liked these book recommendations, please consider purchasing through one of my links! Thank you kindly!