It was a beautiful, sunny day. DK was two months old. My house was a mess, I was a mess. I wasn’t feeling great, so that afternoon DK nursed and snuggled and slept in my arms while I ate chocolate covered raisins and I binge-watched Heartland on Netflix.
Looking back, it was the best afternoon ever, but I didn’t enjoy it in the moment because I felt guilty about watching 6+ hours of tv on a sunny afternoon. I felt like I should have been doing anything else. Cleaning, eating something healthy, drinking more water, sleeping. “Sleep when baby sleeps” is the advice we new moms get. Yes, good advice – but DK slept best in my arms and I did not want to put him down so that I could rest only to have him wake up a few minutes later crying. It was easier to just watch Heartland and eat raisins. So I worried that he’d never sleep anywhere but my arms and I’d be one of those mothers who turns into a husk of her former self that people whisper, “she’s too attached…” behind my back.
But time moved on and DK sleeps like a champ in his crib next to my bed. I didn’t need to worry that I was giving him a bad habit of sleeping in my arms. I lost 5 more pounds, so I didn’t need to worry that I would never lose my pregnancy weight because I ate so many chocolate raisins. My husband came home and didn’t even care that the house was a mess. The next day was sunny too, and the next, and the next (a perk of living in sunny California) so I didn’t need to worry about not taking advantage of the nice weather. You can take the girl out of Canada, but you can’t take the Canadian out of the girl.
Now I look back on that day fondly as a very special time I spent with my son, snuggling him and watching scenes filmed just outside my hometown in the Foothills of Alberta.
I’m going to stop feeling guilty for feeling guilty about that day. *Sigh*, being a mom is tough!