1000 Days Sober

I grew up steeped in the sophistication of fine wines and of wine tastings. I knew how to open a bottle of wine and beautifully pour a glass. I knew the differences between different grape varieties and countries. I knew what people were talking about when they said things like “oaky”, “full-bodied”, or “smooth”. I knew how to be comfortable among wine connoisseurs – and this was important for socializing in certain spheres.

Somewhere along the way, wine bled from being this exclusive, fancy, rare thing to being the daily drink of choice, as harmless and as commonplace as water. Not just in my own life, but in society in general. Alcohol was (and still is) everywhere. It is present in almost every TV show. Alcohol is an honored guest at every restaurant, golf course, hockey game, and house party. It is present at book clubs, school events, and wellness spas. It is sold at organic health food stores and pharmacies. Alcohol is referenced in birthday cards, fridge magnets, on vehicle bumper stickers. Alcohol’s advertising campaign has changed – from being “an occasional luxury” to being a necessity for every working mom to get through her days.

I’ve been offered alcohol at baby showers, at children’s birthday parties, during church, and at the top of a glacier in the Andes. It is normalized in pretty much every context. I never questioned it, and I had no idea of the negative health effects of alcohol.

I’d see homeless alcoholics and think there was something morally wrong  with them. Or that they got like that because they drank hard liquor like whisky, vodka, or tequila. Or I’d assume there was something up with their genetics that made them unable to tolerate alcohol the way I could. I’d think they had the bad luck to have a “demon” inside them,  like that freaky story in the Bible when Jesus casts those demons out of that man and into those pigs who jump off a cliff and drown themselves. 

I could easily say to myself as I passed an alcoholic on the street, I’d never have a demon like that. I’d never drink and drive. I’d never become an addict. I would recognize I had a problem way before it became a problem that needed a deity in the flesh to perform an exorcism. Demons like that can’t happen to people who only drink wine.

But then it did happen to me. We were in a global pandemic lockdown. I had two young children aged 4 and 10 months old. The international border between my little family and our greater extended family was closed. My husband, our kids and I were an island. My anxiety was through the roof. What if we got too sick to take care of our kids? What would happen to them? The days entertaining two toddlers were long and I really looked forward to bedtime every night when I would pour my first glass of wine. I’m ashamed to admit that I poured wine while I breastfed. I would plan feeding my child around my wine drinking. As the pandemic wore on, I would justify an afternoon beer and the boundaries were starting to slip away and the cravings were intensifying. I thought about when I’d be able to drink…a lot. It was starting to take over my life. I found it hard to have one glass – drinking 4 or 5 glasses each night. I was tipsy every night. I slept terribly and I thought wine was helping me with my sleep and my anxiety. There was a demon growing inside me – a wine witch.

I wish I could share some wild story about Jesus casting out the wine witch and putting her into some firewood that God then lit on fire with a timely bolt of lightning – but it didn’t happen like that. I didn’t notice God in my life at all actually. But looking back, the things that made all the difference were casually strewn across my path and started to challenge my beliefs about alcoholism and what it was and if I had it.

One of the first places I went when stores were allowed to re-open was Leigh’s Books in downtown Sunnyvale. I was browsing the shelves when this book “The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober” by Catherine Gray jumped out at me. At this moment, I had never once considered not drinking. I had never been curious about sobriety. I did not yet wonder if I had a problem.  But for some reason I can only describe as a “God-moment”, I picked up this book, bought it, and brought it home. I devoured it. It was unlike anything I had ever read before and it planted a seed. Yet, I continued to hang with the wine witch, drinking every day.

Then, another book, Atomic Habits by James Clear, was recommended by some homeschool moms I follow on a podcast. It never occurred to me that drinking wine had become a bad habit – but as I read this book, I started to wonder, and that seed got a little water. I started to think about my drinking “habit”. 

A few months later, I saw in a Facebook moms group someone recommending Noom in response to someone else’s post for weight loss tips. I, like many others, had packed on some pounds in pandemic lockdown and I was intrigued by the recommendation. I signed up that night and I honestly never thought about anything less. I’m a pretty thoughtful person – a weighing pros and cons kind of girl. I don’t usually just jump into a $200 weight loss commitment three weeks before Christmas. But I did. I can only describe it as another God-moment where my analytical mind was cast-aside and I was nudged strongly to try something new. Back then, with Noom, we were assigned a personal coach we could text with and I was matched with a coach named Christina – a mom of 3 boys in Wisconsin. As we talked about the mental health part of eating and fueling my body with lower calorie but nutrient-dense foods, she gently encouraged me in my goal to cut back on my alcohol consumption. 

Texting with a stranger online is weird. I’m only 80% sure Christina was a real person. 10% of me thinks she might have been an AI bot…and 10% of me wonders if Christina was maybe God or a digital angel or something. Even her name…Christina references Christ.

In any case, Christina’s encouragement and her asking me to reflect on how I felt on days when I didn’t drink and days when I did drink gave that watered seed some sunlight. A new perspective started to take root.

Tapering back on how much I drank was surprisingly hard. Thanks to Atomic Habits, I realized that a trigger for me pouring a glass of wine was coming down the stairs after my kids were tucked into bed. So I stopped coming down the stairs after I tucked them in. I bought a kettle and some chamomile tea and I put it with a mug in my bathroom. Instead of coming down the stairs, pouring a large glass of wine and flopping on the couch to watch tv, I stayed upstairs in my bedroom. I drank Sleepytime tea and I read. I cut back drinking gradually – drinking less each week than I had the week before, eventually going several weeks between glasses of wine. And then June 28, 2021 I decided to go a full year without alcohol, just to see how I’d feel. 

During that year, I started to feel stronger, healthier. I slept better, I had far less anxiety. My hair, skin, and nails improved. I lost 20 pounds. And these improvements were just the obvious ones, the tip of the iceberg towards better health and wellness. I read more about sobriety and what alcohol was doing to my brain and body. I read Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind and it had a truly spell-breaking effect on a lot of the assumptions I had about alcohol and how it affected me. I read Understanding and Helping an Addict by Dr. Andrew Proulx, a former addict who is now a doctor helping others escape addiction. This book helped me understand that addiction is a disease and how to have compassion for myself and for others dealing with addiction. When I see someone passed out on the street surrounded by liquor bottles, I can understand now that they aren’t choosing to be like that. The sad truth is their brains are so sick with the disease of addiction, they can’t acknowledge that alcohol might be part of the problem.

I also listened to podcasts, and I watched Youtube videos. This video by Andrew Huberman – a neuroscientist who is an associate professor at Stanford University School of Medicine broke down even more misunderstandings of alcohol.

This “sober education” provided downpours of rain onto the little plant I was growing and I began to wonder what I’d do once my year was up.

Society had been telling me for years that a glass of wine each day was not harmful…that in fact it was healthy for me and would lower my blood pressure. But it didn’t tell me about alcohol-induced cardiomyopathy. Did you know that just 3 glasses of wine a week over 15 years can weaken the heart muscle so much it struggles to pump blood and oxygen to the rest of the body? I sure didn’t.

Society told me the way to relax was to have a glass of wine – live a little. But it didn’t tell me that it could permanently damage my cerebellum, the part of my brain that helps me balance and walk. I had stumbled around my house many times after too many drinks, but I always woke up fine (though hungover) in the mornings. I had no idea it could cause permanent damage.

Society warned me – don’t drink and drive. But what it never mentioned is that drinking alcohol affects my brain’s executive control system – the frontal lobe. The frontal lobe is the part of my brain that helps me assess information and make wise decisions – ones like deciding whether or not to get behind a wheel after 1 glass of wine or a bottle. Society is so quick to blame drunk drivers for making terrible decisions while drunk -but society never told me that under the influence of alcohol, my brain can’t even recognize the problem because the part of the brain that can do that important work is under the influence of alcohol. 

Society never told me that under the influence of alcohol, my brain can’t even recognize the problem because the part of the brain that can DO that important work is under the influence of alcohol. 

Me. But I just feel like this is such an important point I need to say it twice and highlight it.

This idea – that alcohol could become a bigger problem for me and that my brain might not even recognize it as a problem, terrified me. It wasn’t a hypothetical boogeyman – I had seen this very thing happen to loved ones before my very eyes. And it wasn’t just me; it was happening to a lot of people. According to the 2022 National Survey on Drug Use and Health (NSDUH), 29.5 million people in the United States were suffering from an alcohol use disorder (That’s about 1/10 people). In Canada, the problem is just as dire. Statistics Canada reports that in 2021, 15.6% of Canadians aged 12 and older reported drinking more than 5 drinks at an occasion (defined as “heavy drinking”). Alcohol was colonizing so many brains and lives – it was (and still is) an epidemic.

The day that it dawned on me that I could have a problem that everyone else can see but I can’t see because my brain is too sick to recognize it – was the day that I cast this demon of mine into a pig to drown itself. I was released from alcohol’s grip. I saw alcohol for what it truly is – a poison, a neuro-toxin, a liquid that gives no benefit to the only body and brain I’ll ever have. It was the day my little plant’s flower buds burst into blossom. I decided, forget a year alcohol-free – this is for a lifetime. 

So tomorrow marks 1000 days for me being alcohol-free. I am so grateful to have escaped alcohol’s clutches, when so many people continue to suffer. I do not take my continued sobriety for granted. I know how easy it is to slip and fall off the wagon. It is one of my biggest fears – and sometimes I even have nightmares that I’ve had a drink and gotten back onto an extremely slippery slope. Even 1000 days in, I’ll notice my brain will sometimes still try to justify alcohol. It will whisper, “A glass of champagne at this fancy resort with your husband to celebrate 1000 days of sobriety is no big deal!”. Isn’t that wild? Whyyyyy does it do that? Because neuro-pathways run deep guys. They run deep. They may never fully disappear and I need to continue to be vigilant.

When these whispers happen, I revisit some truly heart-breaking stories of loss to alcohol and remember I am not, in any way, an exception. I do not have any super powers against this addictive substance. The only way I can guarantee it doesn’t take over my life or send me to an early grave is to never drink again.

Since I quit drinking, I’ve saved AT LEAST $8000. This is assuming I spent about $8/day – but honestly that’s an underestimate. I often drank wine that cost more than $8 a bottle. I often finished entire bottles in a day. Some days I drank even more. The $8/day doesn’t include the money spent on alcohol at bars, restaurants, sports games, or concerts. The savings are probably closer to $15-$20/day (on average) – or $15,000 – $20,000 for 1000 days. What?!

To celebrate, I’ve hired a babysitter and I’m taking my husband to the spa at the Ritz-Carlton in Half Moon Bay. A splurge, certainly – but far cheaper than the alcoholic alternative.

So cheers to 1000 days and here’s to 1000 more – my next celebratory milestone. See you December 19, 2026. If you quit tomorrow, that would be your 1000th day alcohol-free.

-Heather

ps: This post contains a few Amazon-affiliate links. Thanks for your support!