I’ll admit, at first the concept of cooking meat in a plastic bag at bathwater temperature grossed me right out. How will I not get food poisoning? But then my husband asked for a sous-vide cooker for Christmas, and as he is the world’s hardest person to buy for, I bought the Anova Culinary PCB-120US-K1 Bluetooth Precision Cooker from Amazon and hoped for the best.
But now, after trying sous-vide cooked meat, I am a convert – and not just because my husband now cooks dinner. This thing is amazing for busy families.
Basically, it’s a heating element that attaches to the side of a big pot full of water. It heats the water and keeps it at a consistent temperature. You put your food down in the water in an airtight bag (I use ziploc) and set the temperature (for example, 150F for Chicken breast). It takes about an hour to cook chicken breast at that temperature, but it doesn’t overcook it if say, your kid is having a huge temper tantrum and you’re knee deep in tears. You can even cook it ahead of time and then put it in cold water once it is done to hang out and wait until you’re ready to eat it. Once you’re 3 minutes away from eating, all you have to do is pull it out of the bag and sear it in a frying pan or on the grill on under the broiler to crisp it up a bit and voila – delicious, juicy but not stewy meat. I season/marinade the meat right in the bag. So far I’ve made chicken breast, chicken thighs, steak, and eggs and the results have been flawless every time.
In my home, the hours between 4:30 and 7 are chaos. It’s impossible to cook anything, so we are either starting to cook dinner after DK goes to sleep and eating at 8:30 (too late for me) or I’m eating over the sink before I start bedtime routine before my husband is even home. With the sous-vide, it makes it easy to do the prep earlier in the day during naptime, put it in the sous-vide before we start winding DK down for bed, and then finishing the dish off with a sear and a side salad once DK is asleep.
*Warning, this post is a bit contentious – and I’m firmly in the attachment parenting camp.*
It seems like I have two choices: sleep train using the cry it out method or co-sleep. Parents who have tried it all claim that those are the only two options that work.
I’m a new mom, so maybe in six more months, I’ll also be trumpeting the “those are the only things that work” mantra – but surely they can’t be the only things that work? Right? (*cue cricket chirp*)
Right now DK is 6 months old and he sleeps in his own crib a few feet from our bed in our room. I like it this way. He’s close enough to see and I think we both feel more secure this way. It’s not exactly co-sleeping (I love my pillow and blankets too much to co-sleep safely), but he’s also not alone in his own room.
We have a bedtime routine, ending most nights with me snuggling him until he’s asleep, at which time I transfer him to his crib. He sleeps from about 6:30 pm to 11:30 pm, gets up to breastfeed and then most nights he goes back to sleep until 5:30 am. It works for me, I can’t complain. And yet I have this nagging feeling that I need to teach him how to put himself to sleep and self-soothe and if I don’t, bad sleep regressions will happen. Maybe it’s because all of my friends sleep train their kids, so I feel like I need to follow the crowd and do it too…but I just want to take a moment to stand up and say NO. I don’t want to let my baby cry it out. And here’s why:
DK is just now discovering the joys of peek-a-boo. He doesn’t understand that when I cover my face with a towel that I am just behind the towel. He doesn’t understand that when I leave the room, I’m just next door and will come back. He sees me gone and thinks I am gone. Letting him cry it out alone in his crib isn’t teaching him to self-soothe. It’s teaching him that no one is coming for him. That he is all alone. What a heartbreaking thing for anyone, not just a baby, to learn.
Neuroscience research has taught us that infant brains have very few neural connections but that by age two they have thousands of neural connections (Narvaez, 2011). I love taking Devon out to experience the world, see new things. I want to raise a child who is curious about the world. Even though he won’t remember the trip we took to the aquarium, his brain is growing and making connections and I believe the experience at the aquarium is a formative experience that will impact how he interacts with the world. Sleep training is the same – sure the sleep training gurus say that he won’t remember being sleep trained, but the experience of being left alone in a room, crying with no one coming to help him or comfort him is a formative experience that impacts how DK will interact and trust others throughout his life. If I said “no, sleep training is fine, it’s not a formative experience”, then I might as well also say that going outside, playing with toys or seeing my smile are also non-formative experiences for DK and that therefore I shouldn’t bother since he won’t remember. The logic just doesn’t follow.
There’s a reason that it is so difficult to hear your child cry and not respond…it’s not part of our innate human biology. When you think that for most of human history we lived in the bushes and had to worry about predators, it makes no survival sense to let an infant cry, alerting all the lions, tigers and bears (oh my!) to the location of a delicious meal.
Remember when we thought second-hand smoke was just fine? Now we know better but that can’t undo the damage second-hand smoke caused. That’s how I feel about sleep training. The studies that have been done aren’t very scientifically reliable (Narvaez, 2014). We don’t know enough yet about the long term effects of sleep training, but the experience can’t be undone. It may be long-term pain for short-term gain and I’m not willing to take that chance with my son’s mental health. I’m by no means a perfect mom, and I’m sure there are a lot of ways I will unintentionally traumatize my child…but I’m not going to do it intentionally through sleep training.
Why do we have kids? I had DK for many reasons but one is to put a responsible, caring, curious human being on this planet. Sometimes the world is so dark, I wonder why bring a perfect little light into it only to have it extinguished by greed, hatred, violence etc. But maybe my little light is going to be the light that solves poverty. Or brings peace. Or finds a cure. I want DK to grow up feeling that he matters. That his actions influence others and that others influence him. I don’t want him to ever feel like he can only count on himself, that he can’t rely on the support of his family, his friends, his community. But I worry that sleep training teaches him that he is alone and he can only rely on himself. That no one out there will comfort him. What a terrible and unnecessary lesson to learn.
I look to the example set by the parents of adults I admire. They didn’t sleep train and their kids turned out to be wonderful, kind, caring, generous, ambitious, independent, curious, loving adults. Case closed.
As I mentioned above, a lot of my friends believe in the power of sleep training. And they have been in the trenches a lot longer than me. I do not mean for this blog post to upset them. These women are wonderful mothers and I respect them a lot for all the love they give their kids. Motherhood is not easy and we each know our kids best. I just know that sleep training is not for me and it’s not for Devon. And if any other mothers out there feel similarly, reach out to me. We can encourage one another and together find workable solutions that don’t involve crying it out.
It’s been a weekend of exploration! On Saturday we checked out a different neighbourhood playground (Fair Oaks park, not worth going back to), Sunday I went to the San Jose flea market with my friend Sarah, and today my husband and I took DK to Ed R. Levin County Park. What a beautiful space in the wet season! We will definitely be back.
In September I joined a moms group. One week we talked about mom fashion and finding our true style. I took a style quiz and it emerged that my style is classic with a little bit of whimsical. Yes, that sounds like me. I’d never in a million years wear a loud patterny bright shirt; I stick to basics in a striped or solid: navy, grey, black, burgundy, plum, cream, white. But look closely at my classic grey tee with navy cardigan and jeans and you will see that I am, in fact, wearing Lion King earrings.
My home decor style is similar. I like to have a cozy home with classic patterns and colours (navy blue, cream, grey, burgundy) but with a little bit of whimsy in every room. I secretly/not-so-secretly love wandering through flea markets, consignment shops, antique malls and thrift stores for things for my home. I’m a sucker for a kitschy little trinkets to add some whimsy to my decor and I have to be careful not to accumulate too many or it stops being unique and starts being hoarder-style-weird. For examples, here are a few of my favourite pieces:
My good friend Sarah likes refinishing furniture as a hobby and is always on the lookout for some new pieces to work on. We’ve been meaning to check out the San Jose flea market for a while now, and since I have my new goal of checking out a new place every week, I thought I’d see if she wanted to head there Sunday morning.
It was not what we were expecting at all. Mostly booths of new items, no antiques or furniture, and only a handful of used-treasure boutiques. I was expecting something like Calgary’s Crossroads flea market or Portobello road, but it reminded me more of the open air bazaars I saw in Guatemala. Definitely cool to visit, but I’m not really in the market for what was being sold.
But we did check it out and had a great time doing so! Next we are going to head to Antiques Colony in San Jose to see if it’s more like what we had in mind.
Hopefully we will find a true flea market to wander through in the Bay Area! I’m on the hunt for an interesting soap dispenser for my back bathroom.
It is so easy for the weather to affect your mood. I know that back in Canada, if you didn’t stay positive and focus on the wonderful aspects of winter, you’d feel blue the minute the clock struck midnight on January 2nd, ending the white Christmas holidays and beginning the bleak slog through January, February and March.
Here in Silicon Valley, the weather is amazing all year long. It rarely gets below 10 degrees Celsius and with the drought happening the past 4 years, winter means sunny with a chance of showers about 15 days/year.
This year we are definitely getting more rainfall than anything I’ve seen since moving here 2.5 years ago. A few weeks of grey, rainy days and you’re bound to be moody.
Over the holidays my wonderful mother-in-law told me how growing up on the farm, rain was something to celebrate. Rainy day blues didn’t exist. When she was raising my husband in town, she was determined to continue to celebrate rain and make sure her kids enjoyed rainy days just as much as sunny days. They would go for walks in the rain, splashing in puddles and looking for worms.
In thinking about this more, I remember my mom doing something similar – at least once on a rainy day, we went for a picnic – in our living room! It probably was no big deal. My mom probably just pulled some leftovers out of the fridge, threw them in a backpack and sat with us on the floor while we ate cold macaroni one rainy day when she was losing her mind with cooped up toddlers – but it is a special memory of a rainy day.
It does not rain often in California, so when it does, I want to celebrate it with Devon and take him outside to enjoy it. So in the spirit of adventure, we went for our morning walk and rejoiced in the rain!
We went home to Alberta, Canada for DK’s first Christmas. We were home for three weeks and it was wonderful to see family and friends, eat at favourite restaurants, and see familiar sights.
As much as I miss living in Alberta and I say that California’s lack of seasons makes it sub-par to Canada…now that I’ve done winter with a baby, I can honestly say I don’t want to move home until my kids are out of car seats.
So for moments when I am so homesick it hurts, here is a list of things I don’t miss about Canada:
1. Worrying about road conditions
Sure, in the Bay Area we plan our travel around rush hour traffic. But in Canada, you plan your travel around whether the highways will be closed due to blizzards, freezing rain, high winds, black ice…
2. Worrying about whether the baby is warm enough.
I leave the house in California without checking the temperature outside. Sometimes this means my baby is a bit underdressed…but even underdressed DK is not going to die in 10 degree Celsius weather. Not the case in -20C.
3. Pushing grocery carts across snowy parking lots.
I hate hate hated doing this when I lived here. I still don’t understand why we don’t put bike tires on our shopping carts. It would make it so much easier.
4. Pushing old-ass weathered broken rusty shopping carts through the grocery store.
The wheels are ALWAYS jammed with mud and gravel and crap from pushing them around a snowy parking lot.
5. Pushing a stroller through a snowy parking lot.
6. Not having the leisure of changing DK’s diaper in the back hatch of the truck.
Seriously, how do Canadian moms change diapers on the go?! There are hardly ever change tables where you need them and my fallback option of changing DK’s diaper in the back hatch of our Outback would probably be considered child abuse in the cold Canadian winter air.
7. Car seats in the winter.
I would probably not leave my house for months at a time if I lived here over winter again with a kid in a car seat. You can’t put them in a warm snow suit in the car seat anymore because the straps can’t get tight enough. Getting DK out of the house, into the cold car seat without a snowsuit on him is
Miserable. He cries every time.
8. Grocery prices
We are so lucky to live so close to where most of our food is grown. Buying groceries in Canada easily adds $50 to your bill, doesn’t matter if you’re shopping for a day or a week’s worth of groceries.
9.Plugging in the car.
No, we don’t have an electric vehicle, but we still have to plug it in on frigid nights to keep the battery acid from freezing. One of the worst stomach sinking feelings is when you are cozy in bed and you realize, “damnit, it’s going down to -31C tonight? Gotta go outside and plug in the car.” Might be worse than when you’re just snuggling down in bed to go to sleep and the baby wakes up. Might be.
10. Shoving baby hands into baby mitts.
Why is it that when a baby has your hair in its clutch, that fist is clenched so tight, but when you’re trying to shove their hands into a baby mitt, they spread their fingers as wide as possible so that their thumb just won’t go in without bending backwards?
So on a positive endnote, you know how they say from desperation comes innovation? Behold my greatest invention!
Crocheted booties with a soft string that attaches them together and goes up DK’s pant legs. Put the booties on, then the pants and voila! Booties that don’t fall off. I know, genius right?